So next Thursday is Christmas Eve and I can't wait to get home to Mayo. I'd be lying if I said the excitement was just for Christmas though. I've found it really hard being away from Sophia's forever bed these past two months so I'm excited just to get home so I can visit her.
I know Christmas will be difficult. I mean I cried all day Halloween day so I know I'll be swimming in a sea of tears Christmas Day but that's okay. I guess that's why I've taken steps to try to improve my day. Getting Sophia little gifts I can bring to her Christmas morning. Including her name on Christmas baubles and participating in Christmas exchanges with other angel mamas. Decorating her forever bed and fairy garden in Christmas decorations (thanks to Sophia's grandparents for doing that for me). I know It'll be a painful day but these little things will just make it that bit easier to get through it.
You think back to last Christmas and remember saying things like "this time next year our little one will be dressed up baby's first Christmas and will be pulling at the baubles." I've nearly said the same thing about our rainbow baby but I find it hard now that I've experienced a loss so I'm just focusing on this Christmas instead of next! Rainbow baby can enjoy Christmas Dinner just like Sophia did!! Honestly, this baby loves gravy and Sophia loved carrots so I'll definitely be digging into dins.
I'm working Christmas Eve which I am nervous about, I just don't want to feel sad. But I guess that's inevitable, isn't it! I'm focusing on the fact when I finish work we can drive home for Christmas! Gurgi has been a fantastic distraction too. I've bought him little Christmas gifts and I know when he sees Roxie and my parents he'll be so happy so that's keeping me smiling.
I think despite the inevitable tears Christmas Day I've done a lot to include Sophia and I feel just doing what I've done will help me to find my smile on Christmas Day. As always I will smile for Sophia and I know she'll smile for me too.
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