Recently I had a fantastic conversation with my sister about how we believe we should be positive all the time thanks to society's judgements. Since losing Sophia I feel even closer to my sister if that could even be possible! We've always been complete opposites, everyone who knows us will say this but when it comes to owning our happiness we are on the same page.
I notice on social media daily positivity quotes. Where people will say "positive vibes only" and I've faced a few judgements on my blog posts in the past, especially the ones where I express all those ugly emotions. There have been times where I've said to myself, maybe I should just sugar coat, make people think I'm fine. Isn't that what every bereaved parent does, they put on their positivity mask even on days they feel they can't breathe.
This chat with my sister though was one I definitely needed. A reminder to myself to stay honest to me. A reminder that the most positive thing you can do for yourself is to be kind to yourself no matter what you're feeling. To be able to face those negative emotions, that's what will help you overcome them. Ignoring them will only allow false positivity.
We spoke about embracing those tears when they come because they are stress leaving our bodies, it's so unbelievably healthy despite societies judgements. We spoke about the day's you look for tears but can't get them. Those days the emptiness that takes over for all you want is to feel something. We spoke about how normal that can be too.
But expressing these ugly emotions are seen as negative, yet for me, it is the most positive thing I can do. I believe tears and days where we can't find those tears are just as important as the days we feel good in ourselves.
Since Sophia, I fully believe in my body. My body knows what it is doing. When I need a cry, I cry. The day's I can't find those tears, I believe that's my body protecting me because maybe I'm more vulnerable to the pain on these days. On the good days, I can remind myself how brave and strong I am. But every day, I am kind to myself and I allow myself to notice that overcoming these negative emotions means facing them, not ignoring them. To truly feel will allow you to feel positive in the long run. That's what I believe true positivity is.
Society doesn't like us facing these ugly emotions because it makes them uncomfortable. But what I've found in the days I've pretended to be okay, I've felt most uncomfortable. To ignore our true feelings is negative, not positive. But to fully immerse ourselves into that ugly emotion, remaining kind to ourselves and doing some self-care that's real positivity right there.
So I just wanted to remind you, whatever way you're feeling, whether you're having a good day or it's one of those ugly emotions days. Be kind to yourself, because just like it's not normal to be sad all the time. It's equally not normal to be happy all the time. Give yourself a break, just be kind to you. Feel what you feel, remind yourself it's okay. Don't ignore the ugly emotions no matter how painful they are because in the long facing them is what will heal you. Let yourself feel, that's the real positive thing you can do.
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